Thursday, 5 January 2012

True nature

snow gently falling, temperatures have risen to minus 6

Now this is my idea of peace. sitting by the fire, cafe au lait, Michael, Trudy, a Michael Innes mystery (There Came Both Mist and Snow)....nothing on the agenda. Yes, we have no bananas. Nobody coming over. Nothing to be done. OK, some laundry - but that will wait. And I can just drift into the laundry room and do it at my leisure.

I realize what I want - and what I suspect most people want - is to set the agenda. Kind and wonderful friends are asking us out...and I said to Michael that it's not that I don't want to see them - but I'd love to do the asking. It must be a psychological thing, of regaining control over our lives.

And for now, solitude and quiet is the goal. I think it's because, at heart I'm a bit of a hermit. so strange and contradictory...I genuinely like people. And need people. And yearn to belong. Long for a sense of community. And yet, I also want my privacy and solitude.

I think, as amazing and wonderful as the last few years have been - and I wouldn't trade them for anything, they really are my dream - there is an element of losing control of my life. going with the flow became a river, then a rapid, then a cascade...of all great things. But I do feel I want to rest on the shore for a while, before plunging back in.

This is our shore.

Hope you're feeling peaceful and energized as you head into 2012. The photo above was taken by Gary last week, when he came to take new pictures. Not sure this will ever be chose as a shot for the dust jacket - put I like it!


Barbara said...

I understand your need for peace and quiet and solitude right now. I too love people and enjoy being with friends and family, but I don't think a writer would be a writer really without that need for solitude and time to think. Enjoy it while you can.

Linda said...

You put my jumbled feelings into words so perfectly that I see clearer how I feel - if that makes any sense! (Must be that "author thing"!)It must be the cold- new year- end of hectic season that has us all migrating toward the do-nothing, leave me alone peacefulness that your photo depicts. Reminds me of a comic strip, "Rose is Rose". Rose has a Let It Be tree that she often leans on. Thanks again for your words.

lil Gluckstern said...

There are those who say follow your nature; so that's what you are doing. The tree is a great symbol. Grounded, yet reaching-you can play with that if you like :)

Betsy said...

I like to call myself a gregarious hermit. I know exactly how you feel!

Babs in Alabama said...

I'm just somebody who stitches and reads with reading taking the forefront in recent months. Discovering your Three Pines mysteries has been the joy of my life. I savor them and read back over some of the parts to make sure I didn't miss anything. But you rest and relax and re-connect with yourself now. We'll be waiting.

Anonymous said...

Okay - got to ask - did you feel the energy in the tree? Love, love, love your books and your blogs and the way you not only look at life, but also share what you see. Best of the new year to you and Michael.

DebC said...

I read something recently that indicated that 57% of us are introverts, which surprised me because we definitely live in an extrovert world.

I think the control aspect--control of one's agenda--is the thing I covet most. After a week of being all things to all people at work, I tend to 'waste' my Saturdays hanging out at home with the dogs.

Enjoy your quiet time! I hope you get to read lots of books.