New Yorker!!

sunny, fabulous autumn day, temps 18

Gorgeous day. Met Elise and Susan in Nick's for breakfast...then walked to Stuart's funeral. Very, very beautiful. Packed. Wonderful eulogies. I held it together until Donna and Jeremy and Stuarts 90 year old mother walked back down the church aisle at the end. Then I cried.

But it was also a real celebration - with lots of laughter.

Then Michael and I went out for lunch to the bistro and then home to work. Finished the first draft of a manuscript I'm working on...always feels great. Then watched a couple episodes of the second season of 30 Rock. Hilarious.

The BIG news though is that Minotaur has put a fabulous ad for THE BRUTAL TELLING in this week's New Yorker Magazine!!! Page 4 I believe. It looks great, and honestly, after reading the New Yorker for years, to find myself a part of it, albeit a bought part, is magical. Really, almost out-of-body.

So many amazing this have happened this week...such joy - and such sadness. Feels like a week at the edge...at the extremes. And the key seems to be to feel things totally, but not be swallowed up. Equilibrium. And appreciation.

What a week!

Tomorrow am meeting a former colleague who now produces documentries. She wants to know if I'll be a part of one she's producing...so wer're meeting for breakfast - yes - at nicks! Might have to have a phone line put in there.

Then off to church with Bal, Linda and Bethany. As you might realize, this isn't something Michael and I normally do...but tomorrow is special. Bethany's band is performing at the service. Then we're off to their place for lunch...then driving home to Sutton.

Full says. Never know what any given day will bring.

Off for dinner...salads with Michael. I can hear him in the bedroom laughing at 30 Rock. Lovely sound.

Trying

sunny, cool, temps 15

In the sun, out of the wind, it's gorgeous. In the shade, in the wind, it's like the arctic. Makes dressing quite a challenge.

We're in Montreal...arrived about midnight last night after a great time at the Kingston Writers Festival. Fabulous time. Wonderfully organized...terrific line-up of authors...very exciting. And the volunteers were amazing! Fun, vibrant, happy to be there. Made everything a joy.

I had a panel discussion with Howard Engel, moderated by the terrific Therese Greenwood, who writes short stories. Howard, Michael and I went for dinner in Kingston to a restaurant called Chez Piggy. Infact, one of the recent comments on this blog suggested we try out Chez Piggy...so we did. Sat outside. Had steak frites...all three of us. Michael called it Miss Piggy's the whole time and everyone recognized Howard from the night before...making me wonder what he'd done the night before that made him so memorable.

Got back to the venue in time for our panel...the place was sold-out. Packed. Therese was fabulous. Being a moderator is the most difficult job on the panel. We had loads of fun - then Michael and I jumped in the car for the 2 1/2 hour drive back to Montreal.

Went to Stuart's visitation today. So difficult seeing all those photos of him, healthy and happy. Poor Donna and Jeremy.

Thank you to everyone writing in with kind words about Stuart. We're meeting Susan and another friend, Elise Jacob for breakfast, then we're all going to the funeral. Elise used to be a receptionist at CBC and is now a famous photographer. Next week she's doing a portrait of the Dalai Lama. Aren't people unexpected and amazing.

I always liked Elise...which is why I named one of the characters in Still Life after her. I wonder if she knows...I wonder if I should tell her. Oh oh. Still, if she's photographing the DL surely she's not allowed to haul off and hit me.

Speaking oif photographs, we had a bunch of new ones taken of me earlier this week in Toronto. It was a bit of an emergency...yes, a photo emergency. Only in publishing are you likely to get that.

People Magazine said they might (stress, might) be interested in running a review of THE BRUTAL TELLING in the issue that goes on sale next Friday - Oct 1st. But they needed a new photo of me.

Of course, I was told just as I had a mouthful of french fries, in my sweats, in the hotel room. Mwarwch? I said. Yes, the publishers said - and we need it now.

So once we'd established that People Magazine could probably not make do with a snapshot taken by Michael's blackberry, we remembered that our good friend Ian Crysler lives in Toronto and is...a photographer!

Poor Ian got the call at 9pm that he needed to be at the SoHo Met at 9am the next morning...pleeeease...

Bless him - such a wonderful guy...he dropped everything (I'm sure that bride didn't care) and showed up. By then I'd gotten the cheesecake out from between my teeth, and even managed to shower...and we spent the morning shooting.

Very fun, really. Much more fun with a friend, so I could relax. Sort of.

If People runs the review, which would be terrific, you can see the outcome.

This puiblishing world is exciting and peculiar. There is SO much that is beyond anyone's control. Like being the Barnes and Noble main selection. Unbelievably fabulous...but we couldn't make that happen. And reviews...there's so little print space left for reviews...there's no way you can 'buy' a review. Or the People Mag. Something that potenially influential, and all we can do is wait and hope.

It is a great exercise for me in patience, and in having faith that whatever happens was meant to. Both for the good, and sometimes for the not-so-good.

Acceptance. And trying not to wreck something with worry.

You know, seeing that montage of Stuart at the visitation today reminded me of what passion he had, for so many things. Gardening. local politics. His home in the country. Military history. Mr. Bean. Trying to save the local hospital. And of course, his family.

I think if there was one thing I walked out of there with for my life it was to at least try. With all my heart. And not worry so much about the outcome. Just try.

Stuart Robertson

overcast, teeming rain just now, muggy, mild, temps 24

Way above seasonalbe temps today. Rain held off until just now.

About two minutes ago we received the sad news that a friend and former colleague at the CBC, Stuart Robertson, has died. He was 65 and had battled lymphoma for 15 years. He was known as the gardening guy...and beloved for his humour and passion. He had a couple books out and would lecture about gardening...and he had a column in the Montreal Gazette for years.

But he was more than that. He was a journalist who chased hard news stories, though his heart was really more in the happy stories. he loved it when he could uncover good news, and tell people. He was tall and slim and spoke, for reasons that baffled perhaps even him, with a slight British accent. He was married to Donna and has a son, Jeremy.

I realize most of you don;t know who I'm talking about, and to be honest, while Stuart and Donna were at our wedding, we didn't stay close. But it was hard not to have alot of affection for Stuart. He was a delightful man. To everything there is, as Stuart knew, a season. But I can't help think the frost came a little too early.

On another note, after much agonizing, I've decided to cannot leave Michael after his eye operation. So I spoke to the people at my publishers, Minotaur, and they were great. Without hesitation they said they'd look after it, and to not worry.

'It' meant cancelling two important tour events! The talk at the New Canaan library - which I'm VERY disappointed about. There were so many people I was looking forward to meeting, some for the first time, some who have become friend. I am sorry.

It also meant having to bow out of a very important publishing event...the New England Independent Booksellers Association annual gathering. I was among 12 authors voted to join them for their cocktail...to sign books and chat. It was going to be a fabulous chance to meet these important and influential people, and thank them for being so supportive.

I really did agonize over this...going back and forth. It was such an important engagement, for this the biggest book of my career.

But Michael's eye operation was just the day before, and could not be changed even if we wanted to. At first I thought at least I'd be there for the operation, go away early the next morning, then return by noon the next day...away 30 hours.

You can see - I'm good at rationalizing. But I wasn't happy. it wasn't sitting right. And finally I knew it just wasn't right. I could never, and should never, put my career ahead of my husband. If it was a hangnail, yes. But this was his eyesight...and while there is every reason to be optomistic, it is still stressful.

So I called, and bless them, Minotaur and andy martin the publisher could not have been nicer about what was clearly a blow to their marketing strategy. Andy basically said, 'Don't worry. Do what you have to do for Michael.'

And now, today, to hear about Stuart. And I knew even more I'd made the right decision. We have to put the people we love first.

Besides, what are the books about, if not that? How could I write about love and loyalty, then not be there for Michael?

As soon as I decided, I knew.

Off to Kingston tomorrow for the writer's festival. A 6:30 to 8pm panel, then driving back to Montreal by midnight.

Be well.