ugh

sunny, slightly cooler, temps 25

Cold snap...now we're just five degrees above normal. Another beautiful day. Michael swam and I was about to, but other things popped up, so didn't.

Spent most of the day editing...then realized it was wrong. I just wasn't happy with it. So I read the original version, from the first draft...and there were some sections - turns of phrases really - I liked. But even then it didn't gel. It was OK - perhaps even good. But not perfect. I know when it's bang on. I just feel it. And this scene isn't. It's quite early in the book and quite complex and needs to be done with a light hand, which means getting the POV right, the dialogue right, the small strokes filling in character needs to be invisible...to happen so naturally you don't even realize. But the character just fills out.

So I went for a walk. And sat on a bench. And imagined the scene. This way. That way. I saw it, and followed it. And all hit a wall. Then, as I showered and was thinking of it - an idea came. A POV that hadn't occured to me before...but might also solve another issue. I'm quite excited about it.

Right now I don't want to over-think it...it just feels right now. So I want to approach it fresh tomorrow morning.

I know if this doesn't work something eventually will. I worry, but I don't panic. It's more of a pain...to work so hard and know it still isn't right...but I also know all this is necessary, before I can get it right. But it's much more fun when I get it right the first time! Or the second.

Oddly, when it's a real pain, and I fight and fight - it feels even better when the solution presents itself. And I know the book is even better for the struggle. It forces me to go to places I might have been resisting. To see things in myself I didn't want to see - and needed to put on the page.

But most of the time, it's about being more subtle.

Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes it's just really hard. But it's always worth the effort. Cause when I finally get it right...whoooppeee!!! Joy.