Sabie

rainy, hot, temps 30

We had the MOST romantic, splendid evening last night. It was one of our last nights in the Presidential Suite so we wanted to take advantage of it. We asked Sabie our butler to give us dinner on the verandah. Not expecting anything except room service.

Well, she set out linen, silverware, an orchid in a vase. she scattered flower petals everywhere. And served us the most wonderful meal. We looked out over the Caribbean Sea - and down below the live band sang love ballads. (not for us, we realize - it was just unbelievable good luck!) So we ate, and danced, and held each other - and thanked Sabie over and over.

She was wonderful.

I will tell you, this vacation is so far better than anything I ever dreamed. Sandals is extraordinary...once we figured out what we wanted and what the resort offered. We're quieter than many of the people here. We don't party or want to be surrounded by parties. Basically, we want a quiet beach, a lovely ocean, romantic times together.

And we have them here.

And the people who love to drink and party, kareoke and limbo, have that too - in another area.

But what moves us and impresses us the most are the people. Their kindness. And it does not feel forced.

This morning the extraordinary Malaika told us we'd be moved into a Rondeval suite!!! tomorrow.

So, no tears. We're really delighted.

Off for lunch. it does feel odd to eat then just leave. Hope we don't do that back home.

Maggie and the recession

mainly clear, crystals in the air, cold. minus 18

Amazing day. Brittle, brilliant. Gleaming day. Crunchy under foot. A day to freeze the nostril hairs and take your breath away. The air seemed to crystalize so that it sparkled. Off phenomenon. But beautiful.

I want to take a moment to tell you all how deeply grateful Michael and I are for your kindness, your thoughts, your support as we head toward Monday and the day Maggie has her leg amputated. We know it's the right thing. But it's hard. Made considerably earlier by the kindess of friends.

We went through a period a number of years ago when Michael's health was in question and I was so taken by how crucial kindness was. People calling to ask. People cutting articles out of the paper they thought we might like to read. Nothing, by outside measurements, immense. But inside this terrible world we suddenly found ourselves in those acts were anything but trivial.

I think people often run away from people in grief, or pain - for fear of either saying the wrong thing, or that too much will be asked or expected. they'll need you to cook dinner, or take them in, or do something extraordinary. But I know how amazing just a smile is. An arm squeezed. That small human contact. Far more important, I found, than any grand gesture could ever be.

So we're sustained by your kindness...and we know Maggie will be bouncing around before we know it. Who needs 4 legs anyway...really very greedy.

It's the new economy. Less is more.

In bliss

rain, cool, temps 19

Not a bad day - rain didn't start until about 1pm. Went for a walk with the dogs this morning, then had breakfast on the screen porch then to work. Michael worked in the living room too, on his laptop, and I worked on mine.

I'm at the amazing, blessed stage where I'm totally enjoying the book and the process. I love doing it, and the only reason I stop everyday is because I get tired. There's no fear anymore.

I've come to realize how riddled my life can be with fear - and how crippling that is. It's both a weight and a barrier. Fear stands between me and inspiration, creativity, gratitude, enjoyment. It's not always 'nightfall', but more like a perpetual twilight, of semi-enjoyment, of bliss sampled then placed just out of reach.

But when fear is gone, wow. Even if the book is crap - and I know now it won't be - but even if it is, at least I'm loving writing it.

I almost always reach this stage in the books - sometimes sooner, sometimes later. But once achieved it so far has stayed with me for the rest of the process - until I have to show the book to someone other than Michael. Then night falls.

But I'm not there now.

Today I worked for about 4 hours, and would have worked more but we wanted to visit a few artist friends on the Tour des Arts and today is the last day.

I think that's also a big part of my enjoyment - I'm being far more reasonable about the editing. Taking my time, not riding myself so hard. There is no way this book won't be written and ready by the deadline. And even if it isn't, well, worse things have happened. Losing the pleasure of writing is a 'worse thing'.

Last year I practically killed myself to get book 4 written/edited/polished and to Teresa my agent before the end of the summer, so that we could go on the world tour. For various reasons she chose not to give it to the editors until November anyway - they took a month or more to get back to me, then even longer to give me the notes and I was still doing their edits in April, when I'd hoped to be enjoying a month off in London.

I think that shattered my nerves a bit. Now I've decided to just slow down, write and edit to my needs and see what happens. The editors are reasonable people - and I'm hoping they'd rather have a healthy, creative, inspired and happy writer producing a good (perhaps even great) book - than a mess churning out drivel.

However, there is a lot about the publishing industry that is surprising me, so I could be wrong about that.

But for now I'm in absolute heaven with this book.

Hope you're enjoying yourselves too and getting a chance to re-new yourselves this summer. You probably don't need me to say it, since I'm fairly new to the concept myself but - be kind to yourself.

An ode to Michael - who loves both wisely and well

light snow, sun trying to get through, high minus 4

Finally home. To Michael. Though I have to say I'm not sure he missed me quite as much as he should. Will have to remind him how adorable I am. But, I do know he had a great time with Puni and Tutu and their children. He sounded absolutely buoyant! But now I'm home and the party's over. Ha.

I read his blogs, dear man, and was astonished by how lovely they were, but also by how humble he is. He really is an amazing man. Former head of Hematology at the Montreal Children's, he spent a lifetime trying to help children with cancer, both at their bedside and in his lab. He's one of the world's leading scientists in the field of childhood leukemia, so much so he was awarded Canada's first named chair in Pediatric Hematology. He just finished co-authoring a chapter for a medical text and last year wrote a definitive work for the British Journal of Hematology - by invitation. He also plays the piano beautifully - with great gusto and joy - paints and has had his works accepted in juried show - and acts as an example to anyone who knows him that kindness and caring trump cynicism. He saw and experienced terrible things in his life, and is the happiest, most joyous man I know. What a great privilege it is to be married to a man I not only love, but respect and admire.

As many of you know, Michael is the inspiration for Gamache - who knows that evil exists. Has witnessed and experienced cruelty - but has the courage to choose kindness. So many people who might know better mistake kindness for weakness. But, as Auden wrote of Yeats - `Mad Ireland hurt him into poetry.` My theory is we often have to be hurt into compassion and kindness. I know I did - and I know Michael did too. He could have gone into bitterness - turned on others, become judgemental and petty. We`ve all known those people. But instead he became hugely compassionate.

It`s hard to have a bad day around Michael - though I do sometimes try and succeed. But it never lasts long.

Now we`re off to Cowansville and breakfast at the Station restaurant. Yum. Then picking up construction supplies for Gary, who seems to have moved right in. Is there really such a thing as a bull nose, or is he setting us up again. Can`t you see the scene now at the construction supply place.

`Excuse me, Monsieur, but do you have a bull nose`.

Then it`s off to the medical clinic in Knowlton.

Speak to you all tomorrow - and I hope you`re well!