sunny, cold, windy, highs 7
Hard frost last night. Had to turn the car on a let the windshied de-frost. I don't think the garden has been hurt - and thank heavens I shifted my you-know-what and brought the annuals in. They're safe.
It's reeeally cold today! I'm wearing a coat and hat outside, but I think I need gloves too.
Had a 2 1/3 hour breakfast with Cheryl at Le Cafetier on rue Principale in Sutton. Wonderful. We talked mostly about fear. Hers, mine, fears most of us have. Big, slimy, screaming, violent fears.
It's like admitting to some horrible disease, so what a gift to have a friend to talk to about these things - and to have her say, 'You too? I thought I was the only one.' Michael says part of his problem, and most people's problem, is we compare our raw, ground up meat to someone else's filet. Everyone else seems so much more together. But then, on the outside, so do we.
We're packing for the trip today so the washer and dryer are in full flight.
Off to Ottawa tomorrow night - anyone in the area is welcome to come to the event - it should be great! It's put on by the Crime Writers of Canada and will be tomorrow night at 7pm at the Main Branch of the Ottawa Public Library, 120 Metcalfe Street. Two of my favorite crime writers will also be there - Barbara Fradkin and Robin Harlick. The other writers on the panel will be: Adrian de Koog, JD Carpenter and Suzanne Kingsmill.
Love to see you there. We're driving up from here - about a 3 hour drive, then back to Montreal after the event. In bed by midnight, I hope.
Hope you're well and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label fears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fears. Show all posts
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
What Michael sees
Snow, sleet, rain - temps 2 degrees celcius.
Wouldn't you know it - we have to drive an hour and a half into Montreal, through this. yech. happily we have a great car and good tires. Not insignificant in Quebec in late fall/winter.
We're going in to see Michael's eye doctor. Actually, his surgeon. Michael has had glaucoma for almost thirty years and has begun to lose his 'field of vision' which is a nice way of saying his sight. Makes it sound a little as though he can't see the wild flowers or barley in the field, but everything else is fine. Which it isn't. But we've been so lucky it hasn't progressed further and faster. it's remarkable to have managed it so well for so long. Thanks to Michael's discipline with his sea of eye drops, and his opthamologists.
Just before we left on the world tour we got the news his right eye would almost certainly have to have a major operation which might result in complete loss of vision in that one eye. He's the MOST amazing man. He managed to not brood on that. And I tried not to ask him at every stop...'So, how're you feeling?'
You know, I found it a little hard to know what to do. I didn't want him to think I was so wrapped up in myself I didn't care about his sight. But I also didn't want to remind him of this impending event all the time. After worrying it for a few continents I finally asked whether he wanted to talk about it. So we did.
Michael seems to have a remarkable facility for concentrating on, and enjoying, the moment at hand. And not projecting, not looking ahead. He plans, but he doesn't worry. At first I thought he was pretending, faking, living in denial. Lying. But after a decade or more together I know he really means it.
And I looked at my own fears. All of them are anticipatory. What if... And the oddest thing occured to me. Not a single one of my fears has happened. The plane hasn't crashed, the bridge didn't collapse, the elevator made it up and down. Nothing. All was well. And yet I'd tortured myself with fear. This I'd done, like mutilation, to myself.
And the same with his eye operation! When we got back the went straight to this new eye surgeon for a consult, he looked, poked Michael's eye with a needle to relieve the pressure and announced him cured.
We thought he was drunk.
Cured? there is no cure for glaucoma, Dr. Penny explained to the eye surgeon. He smiled and explained that might be so - but still, Michael was cured. But he wanted to see him in a week, to be sure the procedure worked.
Can you believe it???? We've been euphoric since.
And now we're driving through a mini-snowstorm to Michael's doctors for the long-term prognosis. And we couldn't be happier.
Still, fingers crossed. I hear that works. Has so far.
Speak to you tomorrow.
Wouldn't you know it - we have to drive an hour and a half into Montreal, through this. yech. happily we have a great car and good tires. Not insignificant in Quebec in late fall/winter.
We're going in to see Michael's eye doctor. Actually, his surgeon. Michael has had glaucoma for almost thirty years and has begun to lose his 'field of vision' which is a nice way of saying his sight. Makes it sound a little as though he can't see the wild flowers or barley in the field, but everything else is fine. Which it isn't. But we've been so lucky it hasn't progressed further and faster. it's remarkable to have managed it so well for so long. Thanks to Michael's discipline with his sea of eye drops, and his opthamologists.
Just before we left on the world tour we got the news his right eye would almost certainly have to have a major operation which might result in complete loss of vision in that one eye. He's the MOST amazing man. He managed to not brood on that. And I tried not to ask him at every stop...'So, how're you feeling?'
You know, I found it a little hard to know what to do. I didn't want him to think I was so wrapped up in myself I didn't care about his sight. But I also didn't want to remind him of this impending event all the time. After worrying it for a few continents I finally asked whether he wanted to talk about it. So we did.
Michael seems to have a remarkable facility for concentrating on, and enjoying, the moment at hand. And not projecting, not looking ahead. He plans, but he doesn't worry. At first I thought he was pretending, faking, living in denial. Lying. But after a decade or more together I know he really means it.
And I looked at my own fears. All of them are anticipatory. What if... And the oddest thing occured to me. Not a single one of my fears has happened. The plane hasn't crashed, the bridge didn't collapse, the elevator made it up and down. Nothing. All was well. And yet I'd tortured myself with fear. This I'd done, like mutilation, to myself.
And the same with his eye operation! When we got back the went straight to this new eye surgeon for a consult, he looked, poked Michael's eye with a needle to relieve the pressure and announced him cured.
We thought he was drunk.
Cured? there is no cure for glaucoma, Dr. Penny explained to the eye surgeon. He smiled and explained that might be so - but still, Michael was cured. But he wanted to see him in a week, to be sure the procedure worked.
Can you believe it???? We've been euphoric since.
And now we're driving through a mini-snowstorm to Michael's doctors for the long-term prognosis. And we couldn't be happier.
Still, fingers crossed. I hear that works. Has so far.
Speak to you tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)