overcast, drizzle, sunny temps 18
Great day...finished the second edit. So odd...there were times I was so thrilled with the book I was tingling...other times I thought it was horrible. Happily, now that I've finished I'm back to thinking it's good.
Just glad to have it done!! Went for breakfast in Knowlton this morning at the cafe floral and spoke with their wonderful chef Janet about doing a soup for a luncheon we're having Sunday. I love eating soups...but not so good at making them, as you might guess.
Then came home - chatted with Tara at Minotaur Books about the US launch. Very exciting. She was saying they're getting overwhelming response to the Advance copies...not only requests, but fabulous reactions coming in now from booksellers and reviewers who have read it. What a relief!!
We're about 2 months away from the release.
Started editing today at 10am and finished just now...6pm. Tomorrow Michael's cousin Marjorie, from Elora, Ontario, is arriving...just for a couple of days. Having some people she knows here for lunch Sunday. Lunch is a 'community' affair. Pat makes the salads, I'll get fresh bread from the bakery, cheese from the fromagerie and sliced meat from a place called La Rumeur. Pat is also making a blueberry and pea crisp. And Janet will do the soup.
Have no idea what the weather will be like - hope we can sit on the porch.
Tomorrow morning, before Marjorie arrives, we need to clean up...amazing what we've stopped noticing. Mostly books on the stairs, magazines and newspapers on the tables, and mail on the counter. And Maggie's ashes in her wooden box in the dining room. Guests might not appreciate that as a centre piece.
Keep meaning to spread the ashes, along with Seamus and Bonnie - but am reluctant for some reason...I think I wonderful if they'll feel lonely out there, or abandonned. That's really why we waited until there were three of them...felt more like 'company'. But now I worry we'll become the weird people down the street with the pet mausoleum. Or the people with the really macabre centre pieces.
Next weekend we have more family arriving...another chance to clean up! Yippee.
I always thought, before my writing career, that it must be very glamorous - and certainly wonderful to finish a book. I had vague ideas of jetting off to Paris to celebrate...not rounding up the ashes of dead dogs, or trying to figure out whether to serve hot or cold soup.
But, actually, it's quite nice. The writing is a seemless part of my life. Indistinguishable from other events.
Well, that's not totally true. It gives me such pleasure I sometimes feel I'll burst.
Thanks for joining me!!
Showing posts with label Maggie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maggie. Show all posts
Friday, 24 July 2009
Monday, 16 March 2009
Thank you
sunny, warm, temps plus 4
I want to thank each and every one of you who wrote to comfort us in our grief over Maggie. Thank you! I cannot tell you how much that has helped. Most of the messages reduced us to tears - of sorrow - but also gratitude. For your kindness, and for Maggie's company. As one neighbour wrote us, she was a brave girl.
I won't say more about how we're feeling about Maggie. I think you know. But I want to make sure you know how deeply grateful Michael and I both are for your words, your thoughts, your support and comfort.
Great syrup waeather today. Tony's going to boil down his sap tomorrow afternoon. Our friends at the guest cottage, Linda, Bal and their daughter Bethany will be invited to watch - and maybe help. Then they're coming over tomorrow night for a simple dinner. Barbeque steaks. Tony set up the BBQ for us today. What a help he is.
Wrote this morning, and spent some time this afternoon on the permissions again! Who'd have thought it would be more challenging that writing the actual book. Certainly more stressful.
spent 20 min. on the torture device. Gary dropped by yesterday and suggested using the ipod while exercising...great idea. Did that and it helps...but am torn about what music to listen to. Like eating favorite food when ill...then never being able to eat it again!
Am off...bath time.
Thank you, again.
I want to thank each and every one of you who wrote to comfort us in our grief over Maggie. Thank you! I cannot tell you how much that has helped. Most of the messages reduced us to tears - of sorrow - but also gratitude. For your kindness, and for Maggie's company. As one neighbour wrote us, she was a brave girl.
I won't say more about how we're feeling about Maggie. I think you know. But I want to make sure you know how deeply grateful Michael and I both are for your words, your thoughts, your support and comfort.
Great syrup waeather today. Tony's going to boil down his sap tomorrow afternoon. Our friends at the guest cottage, Linda, Bal and their daughter Bethany will be invited to watch - and maybe help. Then they're coming over tomorrow night for a simple dinner. Barbeque steaks. Tony set up the BBQ for us today. What a help he is.
Wrote this morning, and spent some time this afternoon on the permissions again! Who'd have thought it would be more challenging that writing the actual book. Certainly more stressful.
spent 20 min. on the torture device. Gary dropped by yesterday and suggested using the ipod while exercising...great idea. Did that and it helps...but am torn about what music to listen to. Like eating favorite food when ill...then never being able to eat it again!
Am off...bath time.
Thank you, again.
Saturday, 14 March 2009
Old Dog, New Sicks
Sunny, mild, temps minus 2
Beautiful day - again, feels and smells like spring.
maggie poorly again this morning. Didn't eat her breakfast, went outside but didn't want to go far...then this afternoon she didn't move at all. We finally coaxed her outside, but she didn't do anything, and we had to carry her in.
If she's like this tomorrow morning we'll call the vet. They're closed weekends but are wonderful and have an emergency number they respond to in minutes.
We're thinking this might be a result of taking her twice around the pond yesterday. I probably shouldn't have taken her that second time. It might have been too much. Hope it's just that and she simply needs a day to recover. But it's scary. We go in to the kitchen and lie down beside her, stroke her and tell her what a good girl she is. Every now and then her tail thumps.
No dinner tonight, but she did take a little water an hour ago.
One thing I do know - she's in good hands. Not ours - who are fumbling and bumbling and filled with more care than sense - but hands that look after, and over, sick animals. Hands more sure than ours.
But, don't want to think the worst. God knows, Maggie's had us expecting the worst for 6 months, and always appears bright and eager next morning, or eventually. I'm sure she will again.
I'll give you an update tomorrow. Be well.
Beautiful day - again, feels and smells like spring.
maggie poorly again this morning. Didn't eat her breakfast, went outside but didn't want to go far...then this afternoon she didn't move at all. We finally coaxed her outside, but she didn't do anything, and we had to carry her in.
If she's like this tomorrow morning we'll call the vet. They're closed weekends but are wonderful and have an emergency number they respond to in minutes.
We're thinking this might be a result of taking her twice around the pond yesterday. I probably shouldn't have taken her that second time. It might have been too much. Hope it's just that and she simply needs a day to recover. But it's scary. We go in to the kitchen and lie down beside her, stroke her and tell her what a good girl she is. Every now and then her tail thumps.
No dinner tonight, but she did take a little water an hour ago.
One thing I do know - she's in good hands. Not ours - who are fumbling and bumbling and filled with more care than sense - but hands that look after, and over, sick animals. Hands more sure than ours.
But, don't want to think the worst. God knows, Maggie's had us expecting the worst for 6 months, and always appears bright and eager next morning, or eventually. I'm sure she will again.
I'll give you an update tomorrow. Be well.
Friday, 20 February 2009
The Bells of Heaven
snow, wind, temps minus 7
Just walked over to the guest cottage to open it up and leave the key. Mike and Dom are visiting this weekend. Helps, we find, if the door is unlocked.
We're heading over there tomorrow for dinner...and having breakfast with Joan tomorrow. So great to re-connect with people back home. And to do nothing. Not that Quebec City was totally hectic, but I do love peace and quiet.
Heading in to Montreal Monday - speaking to a book club Monday night, breakfast with Susan Tuesday, and dentist Tuesday mid-morning. But the BIG event is a hair appointment Monday afternoon. Remember when I had it done just before the big book launch and tour in the US? Back in mid-January? Well, it was a disaster. Horrible! And I know about horrible hair cuts. But this is the worst..epic. Norsemen should be telling tragic tales around camp fires about this - except it's too scary. But, it is just possible I brought it on myself (like a few other of my woes). But, really, who could possibly foresee that getting my hair done by Michael's barber in a tiny shop in our little village might be asking for problems? Inconceivable.
Sent off the revision for THE BRUTAL TELLING today. That always feels terrific.
Maggie (the three-legged wonder) is amazing. Playing with Trudy in the snow, chasing balls. She no longer sleeps with us upstairs because they're too steep but we took her bed into the living room and so she's right below us. Pat and Tony brought over a bunch of throw rugs and runners because Maggie feels more secure on a carpet than bare floor, so now all these mis-matched carpets are everywhere. And dog toys. And bones. Cannot possibly be house-proud with animals.
loved the comments from a couple of days ago about no-kill shelters, and volunteering (heroes all!) and the dentist who takes in stray cats... wonderful. There's that terrific Victorian poem it all reminds me of... (writing from memory, so it's no doubt inaccurate)
T'would ring the bells of Heaven,
The wildest peel in years,
If Parson lost his senses,
And people came to theirs,
And he and they together knelt down with fervent prayers,
For tamed and shabby tigers
And dancing dogs and bears,
For blind and maimed pit-ponies
And little hunted hares.
Be well.
Just walked over to the guest cottage to open it up and leave the key. Mike and Dom are visiting this weekend. Helps, we find, if the door is unlocked.
We're heading over there tomorrow for dinner...and having breakfast with Joan tomorrow. So great to re-connect with people back home. And to do nothing. Not that Quebec City was totally hectic, but I do love peace and quiet.
Heading in to Montreal Monday - speaking to a book club Monday night, breakfast with Susan Tuesday, and dentist Tuesday mid-morning. But the BIG event is a hair appointment Monday afternoon. Remember when I had it done just before the big book launch and tour in the US? Back in mid-January? Well, it was a disaster. Horrible! And I know about horrible hair cuts. But this is the worst..epic. Norsemen should be telling tragic tales around camp fires about this - except it's too scary. But, it is just possible I brought it on myself (like a few other of my woes). But, really, who could possibly foresee that getting my hair done by Michael's barber in a tiny shop in our little village might be asking for problems? Inconceivable.
Sent off the revision for THE BRUTAL TELLING today. That always feels terrific.
Maggie (the three-legged wonder) is amazing. Playing with Trudy in the snow, chasing balls. She no longer sleeps with us upstairs because they're too steep but we took her bed into the living room and so she's right below us. Pat and Tony brought over a bunch of throw rugs and runners because Maggie feels more secure on a carpet than bare floor, so now all these mis-matched carpets are everywhere. And dog toys. And bones. Cannot possibly be house-proud with animals.
loved the comments from a couple of days ago about no-kill shelters, and volunteering (heroes all!) and the dentist who takes in stray cats... wonderful. There's that terrific Victorian poem it all reminds me of... (writing from memory, so it's no doubt inaccurate)
T'would ring the bells of Heaven,
The wildest peel in years,
If Parson lost his senses,
And people came to theirs,
And he and they together knelt down with fervent prayers,
For tamed and shabby tigers
And dancing dogs and bears,
For blind and maimed pit-ponies
And little hunted hares.
Be well.
Friday, 16 January 2009
Maggie update
Sunny, beautiful, cold - temps minus 28
Balmy compared to yesterday. Went out to do the composing this morning in PJs and gloves - almost froze to death in the 2 minutes it took. Even the dogs don't want to go out.
Speaking of dogs, Maggie is doing magnificently. Almost totally adjusted to life with three legs. She's playing with her sister Trudy again and even running after the ball. I think she's feeling better than she has in 6 months or more. No pain. I have such respect for people who live with chronic pain - it must be exhausting.
Heard an unfamiliar sound downstairs just now...it's Michael on the new elliptical trainer. We're taking it slow. 5 minutes at a time. Don't want to over do it then either hurt ourselves or get discouraged. Important to set the bar at a reasonable height, at first. I do the same when I'm writing. The goal is 1,000 words a day, but I start slow. 250, then 500, then creep up to 1,000 so that I enjoy the process.
Have another day to look after details before we head out next week for 5 week - starting in Arizona then off to Quebec City. Have added 2 television interviews to the events in Arizona.
Take care, hope you're well.
Balmy compared to yesterday. Went out to do the composing this morning in PJs and gloves - almost froze to death in the 2 minutes it took. Even the dogs don't want to go out.
Speaking of dogs, Maggie is doing magnificently. Almost totally adjusted to life with three legs. She's playing with her sister Trudy again and even running after the ball. I think she's feeling better than she has in 6 months or more. No pain. I have such respect for people who live with chronic pain - it must be exhausting.
Heard an unfamiliar sound downstairs just now...it's Michael on the new elliptical trainer. We're taking it slow. 5 minutes at a time. Don't want to over do it then either hurt ourselves or get discouraged. Important to set the bar at a reasonable height, at first. I do the same when I'm writing. The goal is 1,000 words a day, but I start slow. 250, then 500, then creep up to 1,000 so that I enjoy the process.
Have another day to look after details before we head out next week for 5 week - starting in Arizona then off to Quebec City. Have added 2 television interviews to the events in Arizona.
Take care, hope you're well.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
More Maggie all the time...
sunny, cold, temps minus 10
Beautiful day after the storms of the past 2 days. Linda Lyall, who manages and has designed my website and lives in Scotland wrote to say Quebec made the BBC newscasts because of the terrible storms. We, however, loved them.
A maggie update - she's doing brilliantly. Michael and I are exhausted. Like with all stress we didn't appreciate the weight until it was gone. We all had a bit of a stressful night. Maggie's adjusted amazingly to life without that leg...though she was groggy and kinda drunk and we had to lift her up[ the stairs of course. But she actually ate her dinner.
We got up every few hours last night, making sure she was OK. It would be horrible for her to survive the operation but be killed by our incompetence. Odd, but looking at the wound and the spot where a leg used to be doesn't bother or upset us at all. Nor does it seem to upset her. As many of you wrote in, your own pets had the same experience. Don't I wish I could be as accepting and adaptable.
Maggie spent the day in the kitchen, so we did too for the most part. Or in the dining room wrapping the last of the gifts. I'm the world's worst wrapper. No patience. I just slap the paper on, tape it, fold, tape. Done. No finesse. Not even an attempt at aesthetics.
the good thing about Maggie in the kitchen is I got almost all the Christmas cooking done. Hard suace. Cranberry sauce. Sweet potato casserole, regular mashed potatoes. Tomorrow Jim and Sharon are coming for Christmas Eve dinner of tortiere and mashed potatoes, and chocolate fondue with fresh fruit.
Did another 80 pages of editing...am at page 430 of a 520 page manuscript. Might even finish this edit of THE BRUTAL TELLING before Christmas. Wouldn't that be great?
Snow, freezing rain and rain expected tomorrow. Safe travels. Oh, speaking of travels I had the most hilarious email from two guys who've become email friends. Donald and Ray, who live in Kansas City and are known as The Gay Travelers. They write columns for gay publications about all their travels. They wrote a lovely note of sympathy about Maggie and some very funny travel experience about a woman whose son Buddy spent 2 days trying to get home this past weekend. It was really only funny because I realized he'd made it just fine.
But if you're traveling, please be careful. Be prudent. Be sober. Be alive to celebrate this wonderful season. Will talk tomorrow.
Beautiful day after the storms of the past 2 days. Linda Lyall, who manages and has designed my website and lives in Scotland wrote to say Quebec made the BBC newscasts because of the terrible storms. We, however, loved them.
A maggie update - she's doing brilliantly. Michael and I are exhausted. Like with all stress we didn't appreciate the weight until it was gone. We all had a bit of a stressful night. Maggie's adjusted amazingly to life without that leg...though she was groggy and kinda drunk and we had to lift her up[ the stairs of course. But she actually ate her dinner.
We got up every few hours last night, making sure she was OK. It would be horrible for her to survive the operation but be killed by our incompetence. Odd, but looking at the wound and the spot where a leg used to be doesn't bother or upset us at all. Nor does it seem to upset her. As many of you wrote in, your own pets had the same experience. Don't I wish I could be as accepting and adaptable.
Maggie spent the day in the kitchen, so we did too for the most part. Or in the dining room wrapping the last of the gifts. I'm the world's worst wrapper. No patience. I just slap the paper on, tape it, fold, tape. Done. No finesse. Not even an attempt at aesthetics.
the good thing about Maggie in the kitchen is I got almost all the Christmas cooking done. Hard suace. Cranberry sauce. Sweet potato casserole, regular mashed potatoes. Tomorrow Jim and Sharon are coming for Christmas Eve dinner of tortiere and mashed potatoes, and chocolate fondue with fresh fruit.
Did another 80 pages of editing...am at page 430 of a 520 page manuscript. Might even finish this edit of THE BRUTAL TELLING before Christmas. Wouldn't that be great?
Snow, freezing rain and rain expected tomorrow. Safe travels. Oh, speaking of travels I had the most hilarious email from two guys who've become email friends. Donald and Ray, who live in Kansas City and are known as The Gay Travelers. They write columns for gay publications about all their travels. They wrote a lovely note of sympathy about Maggie and some very funny travel experience about a woman whose son Buddy spent 2 days trying to get home this past weekend. It was really only funny because I realized he'd made it just fine.
But if you're traveling, please be careful. Be prudent. Be sober. Be alive to celebrate this wonderful season. Will talk tomorrow.
Sunday, 21 December 2008
Happy Winter, Happy Hanukah
blizzard, high winds, temps minus 10
Happy Winter Solstice. Happy shortest day of the year, Happy Hanukah!
We were expecting to be walloped by a terrible blizzard, and at about 10 this morning the snow started, the wind picked up and Michael ran outside to his car to go into the village to pick up salmon, so he could make his world famous gravlax. (we tried to get it last night but by the time the party was over the IGA was packing up - fish counter closed). So he hot-footed it out to Sutton.
I cleaned up the breakfast things, brought wood up from the basement, ran water in the tub in case we lost power...then lit the fire and started my days editing.
Michael blew in an hour later - laden with salmon, clever lad. So the gravlax is fermenting, or whatever it does...but have to say, it's yummy! Basically it's like smoked salmon, only actually sort of 'cooked' in salt and dill over three days. I think I just made that sound disgusting. But it's great.
Doing lamb for tonight.
the storm seems to have died down. Bit of a shame...not quite the howler we were hoping for.
Maggie's bouncing around...tomorrow's the big day. As it nears we're more and more confident in our decision. We think she'll sail right through. Kirk and Walter, bless them, invited us for Christmas Eve dinner, but Maggie will have just gotten back so we had to take a pass, though we might drop in for half an hour, with a plate of gravlax (and to see their new kitchen! - always a snoop)
THE MURDER STONE climbed back up the bestsellers list this week. Number 5. Always great for the week before Christmas.
Tomorrow, we start collecting names for the big draw! Thanks to St. Martin's Minotaur (US publishers) we're giving away 10 signed copies of A RULE AGAINST MURDER. This is to promote the launch of the book January 20th in the US.
Tell your friends, tell strangers. Order early since I know here in Canada there are no more hardcovers and I know they're selling fast in pre-orders in the States. If you want to enter the draw you need to go to the Home Page of my website and click on the icon. Good luck!
Thank you again for all your kind wishes, and wonderful stories about 3-legged pets. Honestly, I think I prefer them now. Trudy had better not stand still long.
I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. In the meantime ---
Happy Winter Solstice, Happy shortest day, Happy Hanukah!
Happy Winter Solstice. Happy shortest day of the year, Happy Hanukah!
We were expecting to be walloped by a terrible blizzard, and at about 10 this morning the snow started, the wind picked up and Michael ran outside to his car to go into the village to pick up salmon, so he could make his world famous gravlax. (we tried to get it last night but by the time the party was over the IGA was packing up - fish counter closed). So he hot-footed it out to Sutton.
I cleaned up the breakfast things, brought wood up from the basement, ran water in the tub in case we lost power...then lit the fire and started my days editing.
Michael blew in an hour later - laden with salmon, clever lad. So the gravlax is fermenting, or whatever it does...but have to say, it's yummy! Basically it's like smoked salmon, only actually sort of 'cooked' in salt and dill over three days. I think I just made that sound disgusting. But it's great.
Doing lamb for tonight.
the storm seems to have died down. Bit of a shame...not quite the howler we were hoping for.
Maggie's bouncing around...tomorrow's the big day. As it nears we're more and more confident in our decision. We think she'll sail right through. Kirk and Walter, bless them, invited us for Christmas Eve dinner, but Maggie will have just gotten back so we had to take a pass, though we might drop in for half an hour, with a plate of gravlax (and to see their new kitchen! - always a snoop)
THE MURDER STONE climbed back up the bestsellers list this week. Number 5. Always great for the week before Christmas.
Tomorrow, we start collecting names for the big draw! Thanks to St. Martin's Minotaur (US publishers) we're giving away 10 signed copies of A RULE AGAINST MURDER. This is to promote the launch of the book January 20th in the US.
Tell your friends, tell strangers. Order early since I know here in Canada there are no more hardcovers and I know they're selling fast in pre-orders in the States. If you want to enter the draw you need to go to the Home Page of my website and click on the icon. Good luck!
Thank you again for all your kind wishes, and wonderful stories about 3-legged pets. Honestly, I think I prefer them now. Trudy had better not stand still long.
I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. In the meantime ---
Happy Winter Solstice, Happy shortest day, Happy Hanukah!
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Maggie and the recession
mainly clear, crystals in the air, cold. minus 18
Amazing day. Brittle, brilliant. Gleaming day. Crunchy under foot. A day to freeze the nostril hairs and take your breath away. The air seemed to crystalize so that it sparkled. Off phenomenon. But beautiful.
I want to take a moment to tell you all how deeply grateful Michael and I are for your kindness, your thoughts, your support as we head toward Monday and the day Maggie has her leg amputated. We know it's the right thing. But it's hard. Made considerably earlier by the kindess of friends.
We went through a period a number of years ago when Michael's health was in question and I was so taken by how crucial kindness was. People calling to ask. People cutting articles out of the paper they thought we might like to read. Nothing, by outside measurements, immense. But inside this terrible world we suddenly found ourselves in those acts were anything but trivial.
I think people often run away from people in grief, or pain - for fear of either saying the wrong thing, or that too much will be asked or expected. they'll need you to cook dinner, or take them in, or do something extraordinary. But I know how amazing just a smile is. An arm squeezed. That small human contact. Far more important, I found, than any grand gesture could ever be.
So we're sustained by your kindness...and we know Maggie will be bouncing around before we know it. Who needs 4 legs anyway...really very greedy.
It's the new economy. Less is more.
Amazing day. Brittle, brilliant. Gleaming day. Crunchy under foot. A day to freeze the nostril hairs and take your breath away. The air seemed to crystalize so that it sparkled. Off phenomenon. But beautiful.
I want to take a moment to tell you all how deeply grateful Michael and I are for your kindness, your thoughts, your support as we head toward Monday and the day Maggie has her leg amputated. We know it's the right thing. But it's hard. Made considerably earlier by the kindess of friends.
We went through a period a number of years ago when Michael's health was in question and I was so taken by how crucial kindness was. People calling to ask. People cutting articles out of the paper they thought we might like to read. Nothing, by outside measurements, immense. But inside this terrible world we suddenly found ourselves in those acts were anything but trivial.
I think people often run away from people in grief, or pain - for fear of either saying the wrong thing, or that too much will be asked or expected. they'll need you to cook dinner, or take them in, or do something extraordinary. But I know how amazing just a smile is. An arm squeezed. That small human contact. Far more important, I found, than any grand gesture could ever be.
So we're sustained by your kindness...and we know Maggie will be bouncing around before we know it. Who needs 4 legs anyway...really very greedy.
It's the new economy. Less is more.
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Hope
light snow, then cleared to blue skies, temps minus 2
I'm all better - no more cold or flu - but yesterday Michael crawled into bed and announced he was sick. I took his temperature. 101. Out with the hot water bottle, the Tylenol, the trashy magazines, and Sudoku. Poor guy.
But he crawled back out of bed to go with Maggie and me to the vets. Her leg is getting much worse and a decision has to be made.
Hope is a funny thing. It shifts, changes, adjust. It's alive. As we've gone through this with Maggie we first hoped her leg could be healed. Then we hoped it wouldn't get any worse. Then we hoped the steroids would work. Then we hoped amputation wouldn't be necessary. And when we took her to the vet yesterday we hoped it would. We hoped he wouldn't say there was no hope left, and her time had come.
At first he looked at her leg and said, if you tell me to put her down I won't stop you, I won't argue. I could feel the tears, and fought them down. I don't cry all that often, but when I do it's a mess. And I needed to think, not feel. Not yet.
So we asked about amputation. He hummed and hawed. What to us a month ago was unthinkable had suddenly become the thing we most hoped for. Please, say yes to amputation both Michael and I thought. The vet called a colleague, and reviewed Maggie's x-rays, then returned.
He examined her again and asked some questions...yes, she gets around fine limping on 3 legs (the rear left leg broke last winter and couldn't be fixed - it was actually the elbow joint...it's been getting worse since, though she didn't seem in pain until a couple months ago...but she hasn't put weight on it for 3 months or so). Yes, her appetite is great. Yes, she goes up and down stairs, with encouragement. She sleeps, wags her tails, goes to the dishwasher to lick the dishes. She still has a great quality of life. Except for the leg.
But she's a 10 year old golden.
I'm not saying this was an easy decision for us. Is it fair to put our beloved dog through an operation like this? Would it be more loving, more humane to let her go? Honestly? I don't know the answer. Are we being chickens by hoping for amputation? Just putting off the inevitable and forcing her to live with pain, longer?
I don't know.
We do believe she loves life still. Loves her walks to the pond, her treats, her food, her snuggles. And we honestly believe without that leg, her pain will be gone and her life will improve. And that she's in great shape, except...
The vet has agreed that amputation is a legitimate option - and the operation will be on Monday. Apparently it's more traumatic for the 'parents' than for the 'puppy' - I hope that's true.
But we love her - and while we'd hate to see her go, we'd really hate to put her down without trying every reasonable option. We'll see. And watch her closely. And if, after the operation, she's still in distress - well, then hope will shift one more time.
We hope we have the courage and decency to do what's right.
But for now, we have every reason to believe it will be a greart success, and three-legged Maggie will be in fine form!
I'm all better - no more cold or flu - but yesterday Michael crawled into bed and announced he was sick. I took his temperature. 101. Out with the hot water bottle, the Tylenol, the trashy magazines, and Sudoku. Poor guy.
But he crawled back out of bed to go with Maggie and me to the vets. Her leg is getting much worse and a decision has to be made.
Hope is a funny thing. It shifts, changes, adjust. It's alive. As we've gone through this with Maggie we first hoped her leg could be healed. Then we hoped it wouldn't get any worse. Then we hoped the steroids would work. Then we hoped amputation wouldn't be necessary. And when we took her to the vet yesterday we hoped it would. We hoped he wouldn't say there was no hope left, and her time had come.
At first he looked at her leg and said, if you tell me to put her down I won't stop you, I won't argue. I could feel the tears, and fought them down. I don't cry all that often, but when I do it's a mess. And I needed to think, not feel. Not yet.
So we asked about amputation. He hummed and hawed. What to us a month ago was unthinkable had suddenly become the thing we most hoped for. Please, say yes to amputation both Michael and I thought. The vet called a colleague, and reviewed Maggie's x-rays, then returned.
He examined her again and asked some questions...yes, she gets around fine limping on 3 legs (the rear left leg broke last winter and couldn't be fixed - it was actually the elbow joint...it's been getting worse since, though she didn't seem in pain until a couple months ago...but she hasn't put weight on it for 3 months or so). Yes, her appetite is great. Yes, she goes up and down stairs, with encouragement. She sleeps, wags her tails, goes to the dishwasher to lick the dishes. She still has a great quality of life. Except for the leg.
But she's a 10 year old golden.
I'm not saying this was an easy decision for us. Is it fair to put our beloved dog through an operation like this? Would it be more loving, more humane to let her go? Honestly? I don't know the answer. Are we being chickens by hoping for amputation? Just putting off the inevitable and forcing her to live with pain, longer?
I don't know.
We do believe she loves life still. Loves her walks to the pond, her treats, her food, her snuggles. And we honestly believe without that leg, her pain will be gone and her life will improve. And that she's in great shape, except...
The vet has agreed that amputation is a legitimate option - and the operation will be on Monday. Apparently it's more traumatic for the 'parents' than for the 'puppy' - I hope that's true.
But we love her - and while we'd hate to see her go, we'd really hate to put her down without trying every reasonable option. We'll see. And watch her closely. And if, after the operation, she's still in distress - well, then hope will shift one more time.
We hope we have the courage and decency to do what's right.
But for now, we have every reason to believe it will be a greart success, and three-legged Maggie will be in fine form!
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Maggie fine!
cloudy, light flurries, temps minus 2
Hi there. A quick blog today. maggie's just fine! Yay - well, not perfect but vet says the swelling is what he expected and not to worry. It's not a crisis. Thank heaven. And she doesn't seem in pain. Phew.
Great day - finished polish and will email manuscript for THE BRUTAL TELLING to Teresa tonight.
Busy day - 2 loads of laundry. Nancy coming because my desktop is frozen. helped Tony take Christmas lights off a massive tree out front - we're putting them on the honeysuckle instead. Now have to run over to the guest cottage where the water system seems to have failed! Michael there now trying to figure it out...Tony there...but apparently I've put the manuals somewhere. Oh oh.
If I don't come back you know they've killed me.
Talk tomorrow - I hope.
Hi there. A quick blog today. maggie's just fine! Yay - well, not perfect but vet says the swelling is what he expected and not to worry. It's not a crisis. Thank heaven. And she doesn't seem in pain. Phew.
Great day - finished polish and will email manuscript for THE BRUTAL TELLING to Teresa tonight.
Busy day - 2 loads of laundry. Nancy coming because my desktop is frozen. helped Tony take Christmas lights off a massive tree out front - we're putting them on the honeysuckle instead. Now have to run over to the guest cottage where the water system seems to have failed! Michael there now trying to figure it out...Tony there...but apparently I've put the manuals somewhere. Oh oh.
If I don't come back you know they've killed me.
Talk tomorrow - I hope.
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
A gentle day
flurries, cool, temps minus 3
Odd, but doesn't feel nearly as bitter as the other day when the temperature m,ust have been the same. And it was sleeting. But as always it's the wind that's the culprit.
Lovely to wake up to a layer of fluffy snow. Had already made an appointment to have the winter tires put on this morning, so off we went. Now, the snow might have looked beautiful, but it was surprisingly treacherous underneath. The car was sliding all over the place, and difficult to stop. Happily we're quite used to this sort of driving in Canada...still, it's never pleasant, or comfortable. But we made it just fine. I'm always mostly worried about the people driving toward me. Had a friend I worked with in Thunder Bay years ago who was driving to southern ontario over Christmas with her kids and they were killed in a head-on collison on the highway. A truck lost control in the other direction and hit them. I was quite young and up until that moment thought I was immortal. After that I became mortal. And others became threats. Not sure, honestly, even if you see the truck losing control ahead of you there's much you could do anyway on a snowy highway. Except pray. I wonder where the love of God goes in that moment? Perhaps I should pray I never know. Reminds me of that searing poem from the first world war by Sigfried Sassoon when describing crowds cheering for young men departing for the front - Sneak home and pray you never know
The Hell where youth and laughter go.
Well, enough of this. It remains a beautiful, gentle day. We're home for now. Have just wolfed down a sandwich then looked at the plate and wondered where it went. In 20 minutes we're off again with Maggie to the vet. I dread it - always imagine the worst - but I think it will be just fine. He might give us stronger medication for her swelling. But her tail still wags, and she hops around the pond and gobbles her meals (like her Mom). She has Michael's ears, but definitely her Mom's eating habits. Life seems to still hold a lot of pleasure for her. And while we can see her personal truck starting to veer out of control on the highway ahead we think it's still a distance off.
Hope to finish the polish this afternoon - but if too tired I'll do it tomorrow. Feels so good to be at this stage...almost makes up for all the agony earlier.
Be well and will chat tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Odd, but doesn't feel nearly as bitter as the other day when the temperature m,ust have been the same. And it was sleeting. But as always it's the wind that's the culprit.
Lovely to wake up to a layer of fluffy snow. Had already made an appointment to have the winter tires put on this morning, so off we went. Now, the snow might have looked beautiful, but it was surprisingly treacherous underneath. The car was sliding all over the place, and difficult to stop. Happily we're quite used to this sort of driving in Canada...still, it's never pleasant, or comfortable. But we made it just fine. I'm always mostly worried about the people driving toward me. Had a friend I worked with in Thunder Bay years ago who was driving to southern ontario over Christmas with her kids and they were killed in a head-on collison on the highway. A truck lost control in the other direction and hit them. I was quite young and up until that moment thought I was immortal. After that I became mortal. And others became threats. Not sure, honestly, even if you see the truck losing control ahead of you there's much you could do anyway on a snowy highway. Except pray. I wonder where the love of God goes in that moment? Perhaps I should pray I never know. Reminds me of that searing poem from the first world war by Sigfried Sassoon when describing crowds cheering for young men departing for the front - Sneak home and pray you never know
The Hell where youth and laughter go.
Well, enough of this. It remains a beautiful, gentle day. We're home for now. Have just wolfed down a sandwich then looked at the plate and wondered where it went. In 20 minutes we're off again with Maggie to the vet. I dread it - always imagine the worst - but I think it will be just fine. He might give us stronger medication for her swelling. But her tail still wags, and she hops around the pond and gobbles her meals (like her Mom). She has Michael's ears, but definitely her Mom's eating habits. Life seems to still hold a lot of pleasure for her. And while we can see her personal truck starting to veer out of control on the highway ahead we think it's still a distance off.
Hope to finish the polish this afternoon - but if too tired I'll do it tomorrow. Feels so good to be at this stage...almost makes up for all the agony earlier.
Be well and will chat tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Monday, 17 November 2008
Spare tires - the rubber kind
flurries, cold, windy, temps -3
chilly day but dressed warmly and at least made it around the pond twice today! Gary came, poor guy - to fix a leak in our roof (it's always something) and was press-ganged into helping me load the winter tires into the car. Have an appointment in Cowansville at 8am to have them put on.
Breakfast in Cowie while that's being done, then off to do some errands. And in the afternoon we've made a vets appointment for Maggie. Her leg is badly swollen again, so want it checked out before we head out.
Fingers crossed.
Polishing going very well...now at page 503...less than 30 pages to go. Hope to have it finished by tomorrow night. That would leave Wednesday for washing clothes for the trip. Pulled out the Time Out Paris and drooled. Michael ordered our Museum Passes so we're just going to go Museum Mad. Yum.
Will write again tomorrow...hope you're well. Hope all your animals are healthy too!
chilly day but dressed warmly and at least made it around the pond twice today! Gary came, poor guy - to fix a leak in our roof (it's always something) and was press-ganged into helping me load the winter tires into the car. Have an appointment in Cowansville at 8am to have them put on.
Breakfast in Cowie while that's being done, then off to do some errands. And in the afternoon we've made a vets appointment for Maggie. Her leg is badly swollen again, so want it checked out before we head out.
Fingers crossed.
Polishing going very well...now at page 503...less than 30 pages to go. Hope to have it finished by tomorrow night. That would leave Wednesday for washing clothes for the trip. Pulled out the Time Out Paris and drooled. Michael ordered our Museum Passes so we're just going to go Museum Mad. Yum.
Will write again tomorrow...hope you're well. Hope all your animals are healthy too!
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Election
partly cloudy, very mild, temps 17
unusually warm today. lovely. Michael's a little sick - is spending the day in bed. Just a cold, but he's tired too. On the very good side, Maggie's a lot better! Her leg isd less swollen and she made it all around the pond this morning. Didn't think we'd see that again. She still can't use her leg, and never will again, but she appears to be without pain, or it's at least managable. Phew. So the spectre on the hill has receded.
We spent yesterday afternoon at the notary office in Knowlton, signing over 50 acres of our property to the local conversation authority, so that no one will be able to ever build on it and the wildlife habitates will remain unspoiled. It was definitely a case of enilightened self-interest. Everyone wins. We get privacy, unspoiled countryside and a tax break and the community gets more green land...it helps the environment and our own quality of life.
We could never have afforded to buy the land and donate it if it wasn't for the books - and you supporting them...so thank you! You share the credit (but we keep the tax breaks!)
This morning I arranged for the Euros for our trip to Paris later this month then headed back in to Knowlton to meet Tim Belford for lunch. He's an old colleage at the CBC and a terrific guy. After lunch he taped an interview with me. Then I met Laura for a coffee. She's a very successful and creative local playwright who wants to adapt one of the books for the stage. So we discussed it. Very fun.
Got a couple of Cafe Inn pizzas for dinner, then home to Michael.
We're both almost sick with excitement about the election. Can hardly wait for polls to close. I don't know how you Americans stand the wait...aren't you just bursting? I realize people from both sides read this blog, and this sure isn't the place for politics, so I won't tell you who I'm rooting for, though I suspect you can guess - but I know people on both sides are so passionate. It really is thrilling. And deeply moving to see people lining up for hours to vote. Wonderful. Have to say, I have respect for both candidates ability to keep fighting - what stamina. I couldn't do it, that's for sure.
And, whoever wins, history will be made tonight. And we get to witness it.
Be well - deep breaths - and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
unusually warm today. lovely. Michael's a little sick - is spending the day in bed. Just a cold, but he's tired too. On the very good side, Maggie's a lot better! Her leg isd less swollen and she made it all around the pond this morning. Didn't think we'd see that again. She still can't use her leg, and never will again, but she appears to be without pain, or it's at least managable. Phew. So the spectre on the hill has receded.
We spent yesterday afternoon at the notary office in Knowlton, signing over 50 acres of our property to the local conversation authority, so that no one will be able to ever build on it and the wildlife habitates will remain unspoiled. It was definitely a case of enilightened self-interest. Everyone wins. We get privacy, unspoiled countryside and a tax break and the community gets more green land...it helps the environment and our own quality of life.
We could never have afforded to buy the land and donate it if it wasn't for the books - and you supporting them...so thank you! You share the credit (but we keep the tax breaks!)
This morning I arranged for the Euros for our trip to Paris later this month then headed back in to Knowlton to meet Tim Belford for lunch. He's an old colleage at the CBC and a terrific guy. After lunch he taped an interview with me. Then I met Laura for a coffee. She's a very successful and creative local playwright who wants to adapt one of the books for the stage. So we discussed it. Very fun.
Got a couple of Cafe Inn pizzas for dinner, then home to Michael.
We're both almost sick with excitement about the election. Can hardly wait for polls to close. I don't know how you Americans stand the wait...aren't you just bursting? I realize people from both sides read this blog, and this sure isn't the place for politics, so I won't tell you who I'm rooting for, though I suspect you can guess - but I know people on both sides are so passionate. It really is thrilling. And deeply moving to see people lining up for hours to vote. Wonderful. Have to say, I have respect for both candidates ability to keep fighting - what stamina. I couldn't do it, that's for sure.
And, whoever wins, history will be made tonight. And we get to witness it.
Be well - deep breaths - and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Monday, 3 November 2008
Thank you
cloudy, cool, temps 10
Snow still sticking around...spent most of the day in bed. Was going to just veg, watch a movie, read. But had forgotten that the publisher had sent hundreds of book pages to sign. 600. So I watched School of Rock (hilarious movie - love Jack Black) and signed my name.
Thank you so much to all of you who wrote about my last blog. I want to tell you that we think Maggie is a little better, with the adjustment to her medications, but we also know that might be wishful thinking. So it's 'watchful waiting'. And some healing thoughts. Thank you for all your kind thoughts. Your messages were deeply meaningful to Michael and me. It think it's impossible to overstate the importance, the comfort, that comes with knowing you're not alone.
The other issue many of you wrote about - and chose to email me privately and personally - was the issue of being mocked and belittled. And how hurtful and insidious it is. Again, it was comforting (though perhaps that isn't very generous of me) to know that I'm not alone in that either. How many of us struggle with it? With the guilt of being made to feel we're to blame, or being irrational, or over-sensitive...or my personal favorite - the ones who make us feel ashamed and accuse us of being bullies because we have the audacity to stand up and say something.
Thank you, thank you for your personal stories. I'll be responding, if I haven't already, to all of you. The other thread that ran through some of your responses was the genuine guilt of knowing that after being in a negative, cynical, harsh environment it began to rub off...and the horror of realizing we'd turned into those sorts of people ourselves. I know I've been guilty of that in the past.
When I made a huge change in my life about 15 years ago and decided I was becoming the sort of person I wouldn't choose as a friend, a woman gave me some wonderful advice. And it's simple. And it's something I try to follow. this is what she said.
Choose your friends wisely.
I know I can be impressionable...less so as I grow older, but it can still happen. If I hang around with selfish, self-centred, complaining, entitled, negative people (many of whom are also very smart, fun and funny, bright and full of laughter - very attractive) then there's a chance I'll become like that. If they gossip and say mean things about others, before long I might too.
So I decline that temptation. Now I try to set myself up so that I'm more than likely to be the kind of woman I respect. And I do that by having friends I respect. Choosing to be in the company of women and men who are kind and compassionate, who are tolerant and don't need everyone to agree with them. Who respect a dissenting voice but have the courage to voice their own opinion...not pick a fight, not with a view to swaying the other or debating, but simply stating what they believe. And leave it at that.
And you know what - there are tons of you out there! And I'm so lucky to have found you.
Thank you.
Snow still sticking around...spent most of the day in bed. Was going to just veg, watch a movie, read. But had forgotten that the publisher had sent hundreds of book pages to sign. 600. So I watched School of Rock (hilarious movie - love Jack Black) and signed my name.
Thank you so much to all of you who wrote about my last blog. I want to tell you that we think Maggie is a little better, with the adjustment to her medications, but we also know that might be wishful thinking. So it's 'watchful waiting'. And some healing thoughts. Thank you for all your kind thoughts. Your messages were deeply meaningful to Michael and me. It think it's impossible to overstate the importance, the comfort, that comes with knowing you're not alone.
The other issue many of you wrote about - and chose to email me privately and personally - was the issue of being mocked and belittled. And how hurtful and insidious it is. Again, it was comforting (though perhaps that isn't very generous of me) to know that I'm not alone in that either. How many of us struggle with it? With the guilt of being made to feel we're to blame, or being irrational, or over-sensitive...or my personal favorite - the ones who make us feel ashamed and accuse us of being bullies because we have the audacity to stand up and say something.
Thank you, thank you for your personal stories. I'll be responding, if I haven't already, to all of you. The other thread that ran through some of your responses was the genuine guilt of knowing that after being in a negative, cynical, harsh environment it began to rub off...and the horror of realizing we'd turned into those sorts of people ourselves. I know I've been guilty of that in the past.
When I made a huge change in my life about 15 years ago and decided I was becoming the sort of person I wouldn't choose as a friend, a woman gave me some wonderful advice. And it's simple. And it's something I try to follow. this is what she said.
Choose your friends wisely.
I know I can be impressionable...less so as I grow older, but it can still happen. If I hang around with selfish, self-centred, complaining, entitled, negative people (many of whom are also very smart, fun and funny, bright and full of laughter - very attractive) then there's a chance I'll become like that. If they gossip and say mean things about others, before long I might too.
So I decline that temptation. Now I try to set myself up so that I'm more than likely to be the kind of woman I respect. And I do that by having friends I respect. Choosing to be in the company of women and men who are kind and compassionate, who are tolerant and don't need everyone to agree with them. Who respect a dissenting voice but have the courage to voice their own opinion...not pick a fight, not with a view to swaying the other or debating, but simply stating what they believe. And leave it at that.
And you know what - there are tons of you out there! And I'm so lucky to have found you.
Thank you.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Maggie's lessons in kindness
Mainly sunny, cool, temps 3
We're home! Phew. Did a wonderful signing this afternoon at the Sutton bookstore, Livres D'or. Place was packed. I wasn't expecting that since, frankly, everyone knows they'll eventually see me in the produce section of the grocery store anyway. But still, they came out and it was a wonderful party.
It feels so great to be home. But I'm tired. Have felt like curling up and crying most of the weekend. Had the IFOA panel yesterday. Met an old CBC colleague, Marc Cote before hand and we got caught up. That was fun.
Then did the panel. It was the worst panel I've ever been on. Now, granted, I'm a little tired and stressed - but i still know the difference between a panel that was acceptable and one that wasn't. In fact, I just came off 2 of the best panels I think I've ever had - one at Magna Cum Murder and the other at Bouchercon. And I've done about 50 panels now - and moderated quite a few in my writing career, never mind as a journalist.
I suspect from the audience POV it might not have been a disaster. But I know what the potential was. 4 mystery authors...most of whom are thoughtful and have a great deal to say, and a desire to say it. And yet it was flat at best, and insulting at worst.
My problem was much more personal. At one stage I almost got up and left. I was so angry I could feel the tears. I was asked about the main character and how I chose his particular qualities. This is something I've thought a lot about. This is pivotal to the series, to the tone, the approach - to why the books are bestsellers and have won awards worldwide. It doesn't just happen. I was 2 sentences into it when one of the panelists made a snide comment. The audience laughed. I stopped - addressed it briefly - then continued. At which point someone else on stage made a sarcastic comment. The audience laughed. At that point I stared at her and stopped talking.
The panel was a series of half interesting comments from 3 of the panelists (I include myself) interrupted and punctuated by unhelpful, unkind, sarcastic, cynical comments from the other two on stage.
Honestly. It was incredible. As a former CBC Radio host, where interviewing people and moderating panels was my job...under often adversarial and difficult conditions, I know the difference between questions and comments designed to elicite information - to make people comfortable, to get them to open up and really think and contribute. And questions and comments designed to make the speaker look clever at the expense of another person.
I know the snide, easy sarcastic comments weren't meant to hurt me personally. They popped out, probably unthinking. But as I said at one stage, in an attempt to stop them, I'm weary of cynicism. In my bones. Deep down. Not because I'm undefended against it, but because I've been cynical in my life - mostly at the CBC. And I know how facile it is. How easy, how cheap. How tiring. And how unhelpful. If you really want people to talk, don't insult them. Don't go for the cheap laugh. Listen. Be kind.
Anyway, all this to say, you win some, you lose some. This one I lost. And almost lost it. And perhaps I should have. The times I've felt the worst in my life is when I've failed to stand up for myself.
Well, at the very least, I won't be in the company of either of them again. Life's too short. I really do choose to be with people who are kind and supportive. It might seem Polyanna-ish. I'm sure to some it does. Even naive and childish. So be it. It would have seemed that way to me years ago too. Before I turned my back on all that and chose to be kind. But I didn't choose to be weak.
I had a similar experience in terms of insulting behavior when we were last in London. I stood up for myself, was told I was wrong and ungrateful and should not only be sorry, but thank them. I did. And have regretted it since. That was a mistake. I'd hoped that if one of us could rise about it and show good sense and forgiveness, it would stop things from deteriorating, and the others would see sense too. It didn't work that way. So, again, forget it. I will now do what I want - not what they want. Unless it suits my needs too. And I will not quickly choose to be in their company. I'm professional enough that if I have to I will, but it won't be out of choice. And it won't be for long. One of the perks of being 50 and not needing to be insulted and diminished.
Was a time when I felt I had no choice. I needed the job and the bullies won. Now I have a choice. And I choose not to be in the company of people who behave that way. Never again.
Back home we had some good news and some bad. The good news is that The Murder Stone has moved further up the Bestsellers list!
The bad news way overshadows that. Maggie - our 10 year old Golden with the bad leg - is worse. Her whole leg is swollen now and she's not getting around. We've decided that one of us needs to stay home with her now. We upped her pain killers and put her back on steroids, and lay down with her and gave her love and 'high fives' and rubbed her tummy and she licked us. But her tail barely thumped. Though she managed dinner and Michael helped her outside.
We'll do what we can. We just don't want her in pain. And it's so hard to tell with these dogs. They're so stoic. I'm afraid we're heading toward a terrible decision, but one all dog owners and lovers eventually have to make.
Anotehr reason to be kind to each other. And supportive. Isn't life hard enough?
Be well.
We're home! Phew. Did a wonderful signing this afternoon at the Sutton bookstore, Livres D'or. Place was packed. I wasn't expecting that since, frankly, everyone knows they'll eventually see me in the produce section of the grocery store anyway. But still, they came out and it was a wonderful party.
It feels so great to be home. But I'm tired. Have felt like curling up and crying most of the weekend. Had the IFOA panel yesterday. Met an old CBC colleague, Marc Cote before hand and we got caught up. That was fun.
Then did the panel. It was the worst panel I've ever been on. Now, granted, I'm a little tired and stressed - but i still know the difference between a panel that was acceptable and one that wasn't. In fact, I just came off 2 of the best panels I think I've ever had - one at Magna Cum Murder and the other at Bouchercon. And I've done about 50 panels now - and moderated quite a few in my writing career, never mind as a journalist.
I suspect from the audience POV it might not have been a disaster. But I know what the potential was. 4 mystery authors...most of whom are thoughtful and have a great deal to say, and a desire to say it. And yet it was flat at best, and insulting at worst.
My problem was much more personal. At one stage I almost got up and left. I was so angry I could feel the tears. I was asked about the main character and how I chose his particular qualities. This is something I've thought a lot about. This is pivotal to the series, to the tone, the approach - to why the books are bestsellers and have won awards worldwide. It doesn't just happen. I was 2 sentences into it when one of the panelists made a snide comment. The audience laughed. I stopped - addressed it briefly - then continued. At which point someone else on stage made a sarcastic comment. The audience laughed. At that point I stared at her and stopped talking.
The panel was a series of half interesting comments from 3 of the panelists (I include myself) interrupted and punctuated by unhelpful, unkind, sarcastic, cynical comments from the other two on stage.
Honestly. It was incredible. As a former CBC Radio host, where interviewing people and moderating panels was my job...under often adversarial and difficult conditions, I know the difference between questions and comments designed to elicite information - to make people comfortable, to get them to open up and really think and contribute. And questions and comments designed to make the speaker look clever at the expense of another person.
I know the snide, easy sarcastic comments weren't meant to hurt me personally. They popped out, probably unthinking. But as I said at one stage, in an attempt to stop them, I'm weary of cynicism. In my bones. Deep down. Not because I'm undefended against it, but because I've been cynical in my life - mostly at the CBC. And I know how facile it is. How easy, how cheap. How tiring. And how unhelpful. If you really want people to talk, don't insult them. Don't go for the cheap laugh. Listen. Be kind.
Anyway, all this to say, you win some, you lose some. This one I lost. And almost lost it. And perhaps I should have. The times I've felt the worst in my life is when I've failed to stand up for myself.
Well, at the very least, I won't be in the company of either of them again. Life's too short. I really do choose to be with people who are kind and supportive. It might seem Polyanna-ish. I'm sure to some it does. Even naive and childish. So be it. It would have seemed that way to me years ago too. Before I turned my back on all that and chose to be kind. But I didn't choose to be weak.
I had a similar experience in terms of insulting behavior when we were last in London. I stood up for myself, was told I was wrong and ungrateful and should not only be sorry, but thank them. I did. And have regretted it since. That was a mistake. I'd hoped that if one of us could rise about it and show good sense and forgiveness, it would stop things from deteriorating, and the others would see sense too. It didn't work that way. So, again, forget it. I will now do what I want - not what they want. Unless it suits my needs too. And I will not quickly choose to be in their company. I'm professional enough that if I have to I will, but it won't be out of choice. And it won't be for long. One of the perks of being 50 and not needing to be insulted and diminished.
Was a time when I felt I had no choice. I needed the job and the bullies won. Now I have a choice. And I choose not to be in the company of people who behave that way. Never again.
Back home we had some good news and some bad. The good news is that The Murder Stone has moved further up the Bestsellers list!
The bad news way overshadows that. Maggie - our 10 year old Golden with the bad leg - is worse. Her whole leg is swollen now and she's not getting around. We've decided that one of us needs to stay home with her now. We upped her pain killers and put her back on steroids, and lay down with her and gave her love and 'high fives' and rubbed her tummy and she licked us. But her tail barely thumped. Though she managed dinner and Michael helped her outside.
We'll do what we can. We just don't want her in pain. And it's so hard to tell with these dogs. They're so stoic. I'm afraid we're heading toward a terrible decision, but one all dog owners and lovers eventually have to make.
Anotehr reason to be kind to each other. And supportive. Isn't life hard enough?
Be well.
Monday, 29 September 2008
Maggie's fine (not the Ruth FINE, happily)
dirzzle, mild, temps 18
Nice day - really more a Scotch mist than rain...it clings to the pine trees making them look a little fuzzy.
We drove to the vets this morning and the autumn leaves were so beautiful it almost hurt. This is a stunning year.
The great news is that Maggie was walking better this morning and the vet says she didn't do any more damage in yesterday's accident. He also gave us some new medication (more painkillers - yay). Apparently, though, they're for the dog.
Just finished the days editing pages. I really enjoy this stage in the process. No pressure - just relaxing mix of mechanical and creative.
Up to page 210 in a 265 page manuscript (single spaced). Hoping to finish by Thursday morning. We're off for our Cowansville breakfast tomorrow then an eye appointment for Michael...a spot suddenly opened up and they told us we could have it instead of waiting weeks. So we took it. Was supposed to have coffee tomorrow morning with people but had to re-schedule to 2pm in the afternoon. Hope they get the message. I've sat in cafe's and restaurants waiting for people who never show - as has everyone. Not a good feeling. Of course, I always think it's my fault. Wrong time, wrong location. Gets unnerving. Happily now I always have a notebook, so I don't actually care.
Am off - take puppies around the pond and make lunch for the two of us. Such a relief about Maggie. Dear one.
Nice day - really more a Scotch mist than rain...it clings to the pine trees making them look a little fuzzy.
We drove to the vets this morning and the autumn leaves were so beautiful it almost hurt. This is a stunning year.
The great news is that Maggie was walking better this morning and the vet says she didn't do any more damage in yesterday's accident. He also gave us some new medication (more painkillers - yay). Apparently, though, they're for the dog.
Just finished the days editing pages. I really enjoy this stage in the process. No pressure - just relaxing mix of mechanical and creative.
Up to page 210 in a 265 page manuscript (single spaced). Hoping to finish by Thursday morning. We're off for our Cowansville breakfast tomorrow then an eye appointment for Michael...a spot suddenly opened up and they told us we could have it instead of waiting weeks. So we took it. Was supposed to have coffee tomorrow morning with people but had to re-schedule to 2pm in the afternoon. Hope they get the message. I've sat in cafe's and restaurants waiting for people who never show - as has everyone. Not a good feeling. Of course, I always think it's my fault. Wrong time, wrong location. Gets unnerving. Happily now I always have a notebook, so I don't actually care.
Am off - take puppies around the pond and make lunch for the two of us. Such a relief about Maggie. Dear one.
Friday, 29 August 2008
Fair Day
Sunny, warm, temps 25
A perfect day for the fair! This is the big event of the year around here. The Brome County Fair. It's always over the Labour Day long weekend and is the bittersweet event that marks the end of summer holidays and the beginning of school/autumn.
We go, along with many locals, on Friday. Today. Since it tends to be a little less crazy. There're the aminal judging, the horse show, the crafts, the midway and food. Guess what we're there for.
Actually, Michael brings his sketch book and draws the animals. We have 9 years worth of drawings. It's marvelous. We eat Derby Burgers, made by our neighbors down the road at their booth, and watch the animals and people.
This is just so much fun. I feel like a kid.
Indeed, in Still Life Jane did a painting of the fair called Fair Day that plays a role. That's inspired by the Brome County Fair. And book 5 (just editing) is set at this exact weekend and there's a scene at the fair with the villagers and Gamache. Fun today to move between the real and fictional worlds. Hope I can tell them apart.
Maggie's feeling better today. Phew.
A perfect day for the fair! This is the big event of the year around here. The Brome County Fair. It's always over the Labour Day long weekend and is the bittersweet event that marks the end of summer holidays and the beginning of school/autumn.
We go, along with many locals, on Friday. Today. Since it tends to be a little less crazy. There're the aminal judging, the horse show, the crafts, the midway and food. Guess what we're there for.
Actually, Michael brings his sketch book and draws the animals. We have 9 years worth of drawings. It's marvelous. We eat Derby Burgers, made by our neighbors down the road at their booth, and watch the animals and people.
This is just so much fun. I feel like a kid.
Indeed, in Still Life Jane did a painting of the fair called Fair Day that plays a role. That's inspired by the Brome County Fair. And book 5 (just editing) is set at this exact weekend and there's a scene at the fair with the villagers and Gamache. Fun today to move between the real and fictional worlds. Hope I can tell them apart.
Maggie's feeling better today. Phew.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
When the time is right
mainly sunny, temps 24
Another beautiful day, though not sure any could match yesterday. Perfectly calm all day, and hot. Michael went for a swim. Really, these late summer days are stunning. Cool at night so great for sleeping, and hot in the day. Some trees are already turning. We have a bright red maple in the field and out the bedroom window we can see a tree turning orange. The light hits it in the morning and it looks like amber.
Had to take Maggie to the vet yesterday afternoon. She seemed to be limping more than usual. She hurt he back left leg last winter - the joint - and it's been deteriorating. Now the other leg is getting bad because it's taking all the strain. He gave us new pills. Mostly for pain. But she seems happy. Tail wagging, nose wet and cold. Eyes bright. Great appetite. She hops around the pond and loves it.
It's an interesting choice we have to make. Do we stop her from running and playing and doing pond walks so that there'll be less strain on the leg? Or do we let her do those things and run the risk of more damage sooner?
It's the classic quantity of life vs quality. We're under no illusions, though we'd like to be.
After loads of talks we decided to let her have her fun, and we'll do our best to manage the pain. Hers and ours. The little pills help, though. Yum.
We faced a similar issue with my mother a few years ago. She'd had an episode with her heart and I was there. I called her doctor and Mom got very angry. Told me it was none of my business. That took me back and I struggled with that.
Then I realized she was right. She had all her marbles. She could make informed decisions about her own life. It might not be my choice, but I had to respect hers.
She died six months later, quietly in her sleep. At home. The way she wanted. Too soon for us, but we don't get to choose. Just support.
We're hoping Maggie will tell us when she no longer wants to hop around the pond. But for now, we're all enjoying the beautiful weather and the great late summer.
This is an especially fun time for me since the fifth book is set at exactly this long Labour Day weekend in Three Pines. So I get to see if my descriptions of the weather, the garden, the smells, the sights are accurate.
We're off to North Hatley and lunch with Bernard and Patricia Lemieux. They worked with Michael on the study into Neuroblastoma. His book is about that seminal study and the shocking results. So we'll have lunch then head off to their lab...both Bernie and Pat are medical researchers.
Another beautiful day, though not sure any could match yesterday. Perfectly calm all day, and hot. Michael went for a swim. Really, these late summer days are stunning. Cool at night so great for sleeping, and hot in the day. Some trees are already turning. We have a bright red maple in the field and out the bedroom window we can see a tree turning orange. The light hits it in the morning and it looks like amber.
Had to take Maggie to the vet yesterday afternoon. She seemed to be limping more than usual. She hurt he back left leg last winter - the joint - and it's been deteriorating. Now the other leg is getting bad because it's taking all the strain. He gave us new pills. Mostly for pain. But she seems happy. Tail wagging, nose wet and cold. Eyes bright. Great appetite. She hops around the pond and loves it.
It's an interesting choice we have to make. Do we stop her from running and playing and doing pond walks so that there'll be less strain on the leg? Or do we let her do those things and run the risk of more damage sooner?
It's the classic quantity of life vs quality. We're under no illusions, though we'd like to be.
After loads of talks we decided to let her have her fun, and we'll do our best to manage the pain. Hers and ours. The little pills help, though. Yum.
We faced a similar issue with my mother a few years ago. She'd had an episode with her heart and I was there. I called her doctor and Mom got very angry. Told me it was none of my business. That took me back and I struggled with that.
Then I realized she was right. She had all her marbles. She could make informed decisions about her own life. It might not be my choice, but I had to respect hers.
She died six months later, quietly in her sleep. At home. The way she wanted. Too soon for us, but we don't get to choose. Just support.
We're hoping Maggie will tell us when she no longer wants to hop around the pond. But for now, we're all enjoying the beautiful weather and the great late summer.
This is an especially fun time for me since the fifth book is set at exactly this long Labour Day weekend in Three Pines. So I get to see if my descriptions of the weather, the garden, the smells, the sights are accurate.
We're off to North Hatley and lunch with Bernard and Patricia Lemieux. They worked with Michael on the study into Neuroblastoma. His book is about that seminal study and the shocking results. So we'll have lunch then head off to their lab...both Bernie and Pat are medical researchers.
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
The Burning Bush
sunny, blistering hot (for some), temps 34
Unbelievable day. Scalding. We're so lucky to be in the country. Can't even imagine how hot it is in Montreal, with the heat radiating off the buildings and the pavements. Out here our feet burn when we walk bare-footed to the pool. Happily, we have a ... pool. amazing relief.
Well, I think I'm on the shortlist for World's Worst Employer.
you might remember back in the autumn when Lise joined me as my assistant and we gave her a special vase (since she's also a gardener) as a welcome gift. Turns out that vase, made out of some funky rubber material, looks a lot more like something men are given during long hospital stays, than a vase.
Seems we'd given Lise a "Welcome to the Job' urinal.
Now comes word that with the summer season, we've poisoned her. In the summer she shifts to outside and does our gardens as well as others lucky enough to have her. She's wonderful...even worse then that we've, well, you know...poisoned her. here's an excerpt from an email I received yesterday:
Well guess what.... there is actually a plant in your garden that does not appreciate me.
You should see part of my back shoulder and my neck. I am blistering right up. The culprit is your Gas Plant (Dictamnus albus), the little devil did not like the fact that I staked it back up in the proper position. Well, let me tell you I will not make that mistake again.
I just hope it doesn't spread the word to all the other plants in your gardens to attack me!
Then later, this update...
Found out the "gas plant" also known as the "creosote plant" is considered a poisonous plant in Canada.
Went to the walk in clinic and it is very rare that they see this particular dermatitis....s.s.s. (whatever on the spelling), but it turns out that it is the combination of the oils on the plant and the ultraviolet rays from the sun that cause the burns to happen. I have never before had to stake that particular plant because it is such a strong standing plant. But all the bad weather knocked it down so I staked it. Being a warm day I had on a tank top and used my shoulder to help with the staking, from there I kept cooking. Anyway, I know have a tube of "steroid" cream to apply for 7 days and it should go away.
Poor Lise. Hope she's this understanding when she realizes we're paying her in licorice sticks. Might change that to nettles for next month.
Went to Dave's funeral this morning. Lovely. Especially the hymn Abide with Me. Went to the basement after for sandwiches etc and realized in a rush that this was the exact setting for Jane's funeral at St-Thomas's chapel in Three Pines. Felt very comfortable being there, which is a real gift on a sad occasion.
Have had a busy day fielding invitations. Had to decline to run a workshop for a Canadian government initiative for artists and to host the CBC Radio Morning programme for two weeks this summer. Editing book 5, as you know, and I have too much respect and affection for the current host, Mike Finnerty to want to 'break' his show.
Did however agree to an event in Collingwood, Ont. next year and one in Bancroft, Ont in Sept 09. We're booking a year and a half ahead, and getting packed. Will soon need to push bookings into 2010. How strange to write that.
Did agree, as well, to a signing at McNally books in Toronto in Nov 08, as well as speaking to the Grade 11 boys at St George's school in TO this fall, where DEAD COLD is part of their curriculum.
And said 'yes' to contributing to a new column the Globe and Mail is running for the next couple of months called, 'The Summer of Love.' They're asking authors to write about a romantic experience. Michael was pretty chuffed. Ego. But, of course, he's right. It will be about him. Who else?
had some good news too from the vet. Took our eldest, maggie, in because of her limp and she seemed bloated. The vet decided we were just worried parents and the bloating was in our heads. Not the first time that's been the diagnosis.
speak to you tomorrow.
Unbelievable day. Scalding. We're so lucky to be in the country. Can't even imagine how hot it is in Montreal, with the heat radiating off the buildings and the pavements. Out here our feet burn when we walk bare-footed to the pool. Happily, we have a ... pool. amazing relief.
Well, I think I'm on the shortlist for World's Worst Employer.
you might remember back in the autumn when Lise joined me as my assistant and we gave her a special vase (since she's also a gardener) as a welcome gift. Turns out that vase, made out of some funky rubber material, looks a lot more like something men are given during long hospital stays, than a vase.
Seems we'd given Lise a "Welcome to the Job' urinal.
Now comes word that with the summer season, we've poisoned her. In the summer she shifts to outside and does our gardens as well as others lucky enough to have her. She's wonderful...even worse then that we've, well, you know...poisoned her. here's an excerpt from an email I received yesterday:
Well guess what.... there is actually a plant in your garden that does not appreciate me.
You should see part of my back shoulder and my neck. I am blistering right up. The culprit is your Gas Plant (Dictamnus albus), the little devil did not like the fact that I staked it back up in the proper position. Well, let me tell you I will not make that mistake again.
I just hope it doesn't spread the word to all the other plants in your gardens to attack me!
Then later, this update...
Found out the "gas plant" also known as the "creosote plant" is considered a poisonous plant in Canada.
Went to the walk in clinic and it is very rare that they see this particular dermatitis....s.s.s. (whatever on the spelling), but it turns out that it is the combination of the oils on the plant and the ultraviolet rays from the sun that cause the burns to happen. I have never before had to stake that particular plant because it is such a strong standing plant. But all the bad weather knocked it down so I staked it. Being a warm day I had on a tank top and used my shoulder to help with the staking, from there I kept cooking. Anyway, I know have a tube of "steroid" cream to apply for 7 days and it should go away.
Poor Lise. Hope she's this understanding when she realizes we're paying her in licorice sticks. Might change that to nettles for next month.
Went to Dave's funeral this morning. Lovely. Especially the hymn Abide with Me. Went to the basement after for sandwiches etc and realized in a rush that this was the exact setting for Jane's funeral at St-Thomas's chapel in Three Pines. Felt very comfortable being there, which is a real gift on a sad occasion.
Have had a busy day fielding invitations. Had to decline to run a workshop for a Canadian government initiative for artists and to host the CBC Radio Morning programme for two weeks this summer. Editing book 5, as you know, and I have too much respect and affection for the current host, Mike Finnerty to want to 'break' his show.
Did however agree to an event in Collingwood, Ont. next year and one in Bancroft, Ont in Sept 09. We're booking a year and a half ahead, and getting packed. Will soon need to push bookings into 2010. How strange to write that.
Did agree, as well, to a signing at McNally books in Toronto in Nov 08, as well as speaking to the Grade 11 boys at St George's school in TO this fall, where DEAD COLD is part of their curriculum.
And said 'yes' to contributing to a new column the Globe and Mail is running for the next couple of months called, 'The Summer of Love.' They're asking authors to write about a romantic experience. Michael was pretty chuffed. Ego. But, of course, he's right. It will be about him. Who else?
had some good news too from the vet. Took our eldest, maggie, in because of her limp and she seemed bloated. The vet decided we were just worried parents and the bloating was in our heads. Not the first time that's been the diagnosis.
speak to you tomorrow.
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
A Rich and Rewarding Day
Sunny, clear day, high 0 degrees (centigrade)
Free man is by necessity insecure; thinking man by necessity uncertain - Erich Fromm
Both Louise and I had busy days - in our retirement! Louise breakfasted with Hope Dellon, her editor at St Martins Minotaur, signed some books at SMM, then went to lunch with the buyers from Barnes and Nobles, together with the SMM team. A good feeling all round 'specially as the chief buyer loves Louise's books. Then to La Guardia and an hour's delay before her flight to Detroit. Now, she's tucked up in bed, preparing for an interview at 8:35am, then a Rotary Club luncheon, and an evening event in Ann Arbour tomorrow.
I took Maggie to the Vet for 8:00am for a repeat X-ray of her leg, which showed an old unhealed fracture once again. So she'll have an unstable joint and probably some arthritis in time. But you wouldn't know it to see her run around most days. In the interval, I had an enormous breakfast, then visited 5 different shops in Cowansville. Once home and unpacked, there was a phone message from Guy and Nicolle Carignan, our immediate neighbours and very dear friends. Martin Carignan, their son, had succumbed after eleven years to multiple sclerosis. I wrote a card, walked over to visit them, left the card and a phone message. They called back and came over for a cup of tea and we shared a long time. We all felt better. Then, I cooked my Nutrisystem dinner and got caught up with Louise by phone. So glad I was here and not travelling. It's clear someone else knows what's best, far more so than I do.
Two rich and busy days for Louise and Michael.
Be well. I'll write some more tomorrow.
Free man is by necessity insecure; thinking man by necessity uncertain - Erich Fromm
Both Louise and I had busy days - in our retirement! Louise breakfasted with Hope Dellon, her editor at St Martins Minotaur, signed some books at SMM, then went to lunch with the buyers from Barnes and Nobles, together with the SMM team. A good feeling all round 'specially as the chief buyer loves Louise's books. Then to La Guardia and an hour's delay before her flight to Detroit. Now, she's tucked up in bed, preparing for an interview at 8:35am, then a Rotary Club luncheon, and an evening event in Ann Arbour tomorrow.
I took Maggie to the Vet for 8:00am for a repeat X-ray of her leg, which showed an old unhealed fracture once again. So she'll have an unstable joint and probably some arthritis in time. But you wouldn't know it to see her run around most days. In the interval, I had an enormous breakfast, then visited 5 different shops in Cowansville. Once home and unpacked, there was a phone message from Guy and Nicolle Carignan, our immediate neighbours and very dear friends. Martin Carignan, their son, had succumbed after eleven years to multiple sclerosis. I wrote a card, walked over to visit them, left the card and a phone message. They called back and came over for a cup of tea and we shared a long time. We all felt better. Then, I cooked my Nutrisystem dinner and got caught up with Louise by phone. So glad I was here and not travelling. It's clear someone else knows what's best, far more so than I do.
Two rich and busy days for Louise and Michael.
Be well. I'll write some more tomorrow.
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